By: Nicole Chedraoui
It’s that time of year again, folks. January has passed us by and in its wake it left behind the shimmer of Dolce Gabbana gowns and Chanel No. 5. You heard me right, Huskies, it’s officially award season! As the Grammy’s commenced on Sunday, the 5th of February this year, we saw yet again a tidal wave of our cult-favorite celebs rocking the carpet with their extravagant prints and patterns and wearing shoes that cost more than my college tuition. From Harry Styles’ drool-worthy outfit change, to Lizzo dressed like a Christmas tree, to Beyonce slaying (as per usual), the red carpet this year could be described as nothing less than camp chic. However, it’s safe to say that not every celeb brought what it takes to rock the elegance of such a historic event; in fact, I’d go as far to say some of the looks we saw on Sunday were not just atrocious, they were downright foul. Since I’m obviously the most qualified candidate to be the judge of what’s hot or not, you know, being an 18-year-old high-school student, I felt I owed the internet my take on the Grammys. After all, my opinion is always right. Today, I’m here to tell you what was HOT and what, dear God, was just NOT.
Harry Edward Freakin’ Styles
HOT (In a circus way)
If I am going to be entirely transparent with you, I feel that I may be the most biased person on the face of planet Earth. If Harry Styles showed up to the Grammys in a burlap sack wearing a bejeweled sombrero, I would probably rejoice to the heavens at his beauty. As someone who has his handwriting permanently tattooed on my body, it’s safe to say I personally worship the ground this man walks on (some may say my religion is Harryism). So, you may take whatever I say with a grain of salt, but I must say, if there is one word to describe Harry on that carpet, it is positively RADIANT. Harry strutted onto the scene in a circus-esque jumpsuit entirely encrusted with Swarovski crystals head to toe. Some say his smile was so luminous, satellites in outer space stopped in their orbit. The pure chaos of the mismatching triangles and sporadic splashes of rainbow color, combined with the glittering of thousands of crystals almost distracted the audience from his devilishly jaw-dropping good looks. It was crazy, it was wild, it was life-changing.
HOT (In a wizard way?)
As you can probably already tell from the first two rankings, I don’t quite have the most popular opinion when it comes to what is conventionally attractive, but I would like for everyone to collectively HEAR ME OUT on this one. For those of you who may not know, the word “camp” could be described as something that provides sophisticated, knowing amusement as by virtue of it being mannered or stylized. Ladies and gentlemen, I think Sam Smith invented camp. It’s giving me Red-Coat-Willy-Wonka-Chic vibes. And me personally, I think Sam ate that look UP like a box of Girl Scout cookies. It looks like Sam is running late to a Medieval Renaissance meeting where the dress code was strictly monochromatic. He is Willy Wonka if he fell into a red pint of “Sherwin-Williams” paint, but somehow made it hot. Sam’s stylist deserves a raise; my jaw is superglued to the floor.
HOT (In a Flaming Hot Cheeto way)
As Lizzo says in her #1 chart-topping hit single “About Damn Time,” IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME! Me, personally, I’ve been waiting my whole life to see a look like this. A peek-a-boo, nacho-cheese garden of nothing but exquisite fashion. I like to describe this outfit as the “orange truffula tree” look as seen in Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax. Lizzo really said forget body positivity, let me show the world I can be an absolute baddie in nothing but neon shrubbery. Lizzo proved that she once again is the hottest, has been the hottest, and always WILL ALWAYS BE the hottest. A flowering tower of Flaming Hot Cheeto and perfectly laid edges. Invented Vogue.
Jack Harlow: HOT (In an illegal felony way)
Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. Some may call him the rizz master. The ultimate gRIZZly bear, the RIZZard of OZ, if you will. Personally, I think this look is giving flaming rizz, but in a “I’m-going-to-commit-a-burglary” kind of way. Jack Harlow looks like he’s about to kidnap your newborn baby, and looks really hot while doing it. I think the momma’s boy sweater and khaki pants were positively adorable, it’s truly the black leather gloves and jewelry that set this look over the edge. So many questions must be asked. Why is he wearing those gloves? What fingerprints is he trying to hide? Did he steal that really expensive watch he’s wearing? We’ll never know, but the mystery is positively HOT (in a James Bond way).
NOT (In a Hamburger way)
If you know me, you know there is one thing on the face of the planet I worship just as much as Harry Styles, and that thing is Cows. When I tell you Shania dedicated this look to Harry, and even used Harry’s stylist Harrison Reed for inspo, it pains me to say it has to be the LEAST hot thing I’ve seen with my very own eyes. I would go as far to say that cows everywhere are letting out “moos” of rage in solidarity. If you’re going to do a cow print, for the love of Pete, SHANIA, at least make the cow dots symmetrical, it’s not that hard to measure. I think the most irksome thing about the whole fit must be the hat– like good lord Mrs. Twain, what are you hiding up there? You could fit a whole Chihuahua in that thing! I feel as though if this hat expanded any higher, it would positively pop like a hot \-air balloon. The only good thing Shania Twain did was the red hair, it’s serving “Cat Valentine” from Nickelodeon’s, Victorious. Overall though, I think this is offensive to cows from all over the globe. Do better, Shan.
Machine Gun Kelly: NOT NOT NOT NOT FOR THE LOVE OF PETE NO (In an aluminum foil way)
In conclusion, I hope you all took my fashion advice and commentary to heart; after all, my opinion is the law. I think it’s safe to say this year’s Grammy was a success– Harry won album of the year, MGK looked like the tin man, and Sam Smith served Wizard core. Although it’ll be hard to beat this year, I can’t wait to see what the Grammys of 2024 will bring to table!