Terrifically Written By: Timmy Tommy
Hello and welcome to today’s installment of The Top Ten Things That Thoroughly Thrill Timmy Tommy, as always, I’m your host Timmy Tommy. There are many terrific things that thoroughly thrill Timmy Tommy, but today, Timmy Tommy will attempt to narrow them down to ten.
Timmy Tommy doesn’t usually tell lies, but telling you ten things that thoroughly thrill him simply isn’t enough. Timmy Tommy likes tinsel. Tinsel reminds Timmy Tommy of Christmas, which is good. Timmy Tommy only gets presents that start with “T” for Christmas because “T” is terrific!
Timmy Tommy doesn’t use TikTok, but TikTok has two T’s in it so it gets extra points. In fact, Timmy Tommy doesn’t have a phone to use TikTok on, Timmy Tommy uses a typewriter instead. “Typewriter” starts with the letter “T”, “cell phone” does not. In conclusion: typewriter>phone.
9. The Ten Commandments
Timmy Tommy’s favorite number is number ten, and there are ten commandments, so this is an easy choice. Timmy Tommy has never read the Bible because “Bible” doesn’t start with “T”. However, Timmy Tommy has read The Cat in the Hat. This is because The Cat in the Hat starts with the letter “T”. Timmy Tommy’s favorite commandments are: II, III, VI, VIII, IX, and X. Timmy Tommy likes these commandments because they start with “Thou”, which—contrary to popular belief—begins with the letter “T.”
Trees create Oxygen. Oxygen creates life. Life creates Timmy Tommy. Timmy Tommy creates “The Top Ten Things That Thoroughly Thrill Timmy Tommy”. Thus the Trees killed God.
7. The Bay of Pigs Invasion
Timmy Tommy is obligated by the Federal Bureau of Investigation to inform you that Timmy Tommy was once a Cuban revolutionary. Timmy Tommy hated Mr.Kennedy because Mr.Kennedy was an adulterer, which according to Timmy Tommy’s beloved Ten Commandments is a sin. Mr.Castro was a good man because “Castro” has a “T” in it; “Mr.Kennedy” does not. Mr. Kennedy failed, Cuba won. Yay Cuba.
5. The Titanic
The Titanic was a terrible tragedy. Tragedy has two T’s in it. You know what else has two T’s in it? Timmy Tommy. Timmy Tommy’s lawyer would like Timmy Tommy to state that Timmy Tommy was in no way involved in the sinking of the Titanic. At the time, Timmy Tommy was busy aiding glorious leader Trotsky form a better Russia; a Russia free of the stain of the bourgeoisie.
4. The Theory of Evolution
Among other things, Timmy Tommy is a world renown evolutionary biologist. Charles Darwin’s On the Origin of Species not only inspired Timmy Tommy to pursue the allure of science, but to leave the Church of Scientology and found the Church of Timmy Tommy. The Church of Timmy Tommy holds service every Sunday that has an odd numbered date and twice a day on blue moons. The Church of Timmy Tommy doesn’t worship a God, because as we stated earlier “The trees killed God” 10:10 Timmylations. In God’s place, the Church of Timmy Tommy worships all things “Thoroughly Thrilling.”
3. O.J Simpson
The juice is still loose
2. Top-Ten Lists
As Timmy Tommy stated earlier, ten is the best number. When God created online top-ten lists he clearly created them in the image of the aforementioned Ten Commandments. And by that, Timmy Tommy means numerically superior and ultimately meaningless. Top-ten lists can range anywhere from politicians to sports. For example, Timmy Tommy is a huge NBA fan. Timmy Tommy’s top-ten NBA players of all time include legends such as Tim Duncan, Tiago Splitter, Thabo Sefolosha, The letter “T” in Kobe Bryant’s last name, Tony Parker, and Trevor Ariza.
- The Letter “T”
“T” is terrific.