By: Nicole Chedraoui
On September 29th, the very first presidential debate of 2020 was held, and in the words of CNN’s Jake Tapper, it “was a hot mess, inside a dumpster fire, inside a train wreck.” Historians will look back on that day and be in awe of how unprofessional the interactions were. After watching and rewatching the debate, I can wholeheartedly say the only word I can use to summarize the entirety of that night is chaos. And if you are anything like me, being caught up in this debate makes you feel really lost and sad in our country; so, I thought in hopes of coping with this truly disastrous night, we can do what our generation does best, memify politics to help cope with our anger and sadness. I hope you all know how truly hard it was to think of events that were less chaotic than this night, but nonetheless, enjoy.
#1: Kindergartners experiencing their first fire drill
Do y’all remember those surprise fire drills where all of the kids would shield their ears from the blaring sirens, frantically push past one another, and maybe some of them would commence the stop, drop, and roll? Now picture a 5 or 6-year-old experiencing these emergency procedures for the first time. All of the screaming, panicking, crying, and tantrums, 28 children with the genuine fear that their world was going to end. Yeah, that would still be less chaotic then the 2020 presidential debates. In fact, the two situations would most likely look pretty similar.
#2 Releasing a hive of yellow jackets inside a room of people scared of bees
Have any of you guys ever met someone with a fear of bees, bugs, or generally anything that could sting them. Those are questionably the most dramatic people you will ever meet. A bee flies near them, and WHOOSH, suddenly they’re Usain Bolt. I mean these people are running for their LIVES. So imagine we take a room full of these bee phobic people, lock them in that room with no escape, and release agitated yellow jackets. That’s right, I went there, YELLOW JACKETS. You know, the one type of bee that can continually sting you without dying, yeah those, but angry. Imagine that situation, the running, screaming, dodging, hiding, throwing chairs at the windows to get out, and the big welts developing on their bodies. Yeah, that is still less chaotic than the 2020 presidential debates.
#3 Bhad Bhabie filling in for a JoJo Siwa concert
Now no hate to my girl JoJo, she’s a 17-year-old multi-millionaire entrepreneur who’s doing just fine; however, you have to admit that her music is mainly geared toward a younger audience who’s fit to still shop at Justice and self proclaim themselves tweens instead of kids. So imagine all of these little tween girls bouncing out of their sketchers and beyond excited to see their ‘Boomerang’ idol, when instead of JoJo Siwa, you see hip-hop icon Bhad Bhabie enter the stage. Bhad Bhabie, notorious bad influence, provocative music and all, fills in for JoJo Siwa. The arena would ERUPT, while parents shield the hundreds of thousands of children from the unclean music and persona before them. The yelling, the rioting of the Karen’s, the little children crying because they won’t get to see their idol, and of course the chaos of trying to exit the arena. Yeah, that would still be less chaotic then the 2020 presidential debates. Also, no hate to Bhad Bhabie, she has sick beats.
#4 The Apple Store on any Black Friday ever
If you are one of the people that are brave enough to snatch up some extraordinary deals while you can, then you are most likely very familiar with the chaos that is Black Friday. However, I won’t be impressed until you tell me you have attended an Apple Store, prime time Black Friday, because truly, you must be either absolutely fearless, or just terrifying. The LITERAL stampede that happens the closer you get to the Apple store on Black Friday is genuinely terrifying. We are talking, pushing, shoving, falling down, getting stepped on, getting cursed at, robbed from, yelling, kids screaming, getting sneezed on, and being closer to strangers then you probably should ever be. And ladies and gentlemen even that would be less chaotic then the presidential debates this year. Also, please practice social distancing this Black Friday and be safe.
#5 A global real life Jumanji
I really hope I don’t have to explain what the iconic movie Jumanji is about, but for the uncultured swine, the recent remake of Jumanji is about a group of kids who get sucked into a survival adventure video game. In this game, they only have three lives to survive in the jungle and make do with their surroundings, while encountering obstacles. And not just any obstacles, obstacles like killer assassins hunting you down. So imagine the chaos that would ensue if our whole world was suddenly sucked up into Jumanji: left fending for ourselves, being chased by killer ostriches, having to complete mazes where knives and fire shoot out of the walls, or perhaps going for a swim and being eaten by a rhino. The chaos is endless; yet, that still wouldn’t be as chaotic as the 2020 presidential debates.
In all honesty, there could be an alien invasion, and it most likely wouldn’t be as chaotic or unprofessional as the first presidential debate of 2020. From what I’ve seen on TV, they would most likely come in more peace then the debate did. Anyways, if you haven’t already watched the first presidential debate of 2020, well, then I’m jealous of you. You might want to skip out on the final one this Thursday.