2019, I Bid You Goodbye

Halie Holland

Two thousand and nineteen… what a year. It’s been quite an emotional roller coaster, my friend. The smiles, the tears, the laughs, the mistakes, and the blessed moments– this year has been like no other. Let’s dive into the beautiful chaos of my life this last year of the decade.

Context: My teenage life is, in many ways, unlike many. Leading up to this year I was faced with the hardship of witnessing my mom have a stroke. I spend a lot of my time at home, helping her as she continues her long term recovery. As a result of this and having mental health issues prior, I have struggled a lot with finding purpose and staying happy. While I struggle with my own demons, I also fight off my family’s by being a constant relief. 

You are probably thinking that this might be a sob story, but I promise the context is necessary to understand the rest of my article. 

My year has overall been a pretty happy one, even including my home life. I was in a happy relationship, had a good job, and was doing great in school. What else could a girl who had just turned 18 want? At the time, I had no complaints. I was just dealing with my circumstances and trying to live the most normal teenage life I could. 

I went to prom with my then boyfriend, and it was one of my most memorable high school experiences yet. I felt like a princess getting ready with my friends and taking pictures with everyone. It’s one of those highlights in your year that you just can’t stop fantasizing about. 

In 2019, I completed my junior year of high school, meaning that I was closer to starting my senior year and finally fulfilling my dream of going to college and launching into my independence — so to speak– as this was very important to me. As much as I love taking care of my mom, I’ve missed a lot of the high school experience as a result. My goal is to finally thrive on my own and act as a human sponge and soak in everything I can in college. 

Speaking of college… I applied to six colleges! This was one of the most exciting parts of my year! Then the big highlight was on Thursday, December 12th, when I got accepted into Appalachian State University, one of my top choices! The day I found out wasn’t exactly my best day, but it turned my frown upside-down with just one click of an email. 

You’re probably thinking, “man, Halie, you’ve had a pretty good year.” I do believe that to be true, however, I have encountered quite a few hardships.

One of the worst parts of this year was getting dumped. Yes, I know I’m in high school, and it was inevitable, but I was heartbroken. I dated this boy for almost a year and a half, and he was there for me throughout the entirety of my mom’s stroke. He was my biggest support, my number one fan; someone who I could go to with anything. When he delivered the news to me, I didn’t know how to take it. I was in denial. It felt like losing my most supportive friend.

Moving on from the breakup, I also ran into quite a few mental health challenges. After my breakup, being stuck in a continuous cycle at home, college application stress, and just losing motivation to do what normally made me happy had caused me to be stuck in a funk. I didn’t know how to deal with myself; I had never felt so low in my entire eighteen years of life. One night, I reached my breaking point and made a phone call. Little did I know that this one little phone call could change my life completely, and for the better. I gained enough courage to get the help I needed for so long, and now, I finally love myself for who I am. I may have a few cracks in the seams but I am no longer broken. I feel whole again. This experience made all the difference in the world, and for the first time in a long time, I have hope.

So, two thousand and nineteen, I bid you goodbye. Thank you for all the amazing experiences and people that I will cherish into the years coming. And for the bad times, I’m thankful, because if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have been shaped into the person I’ve grown to love today. For that, 2019, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Here’s to 2020, and may it be a year of love for others, love for myself, and happiness for all.

 

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