Written by A’Breya Young 

Bad Breath

You know that feeling of getting punched in the face by the demon of bad breath? What if I told you this monster can be annihilated with a little toothpaste? Eating may never be the same; however, your nostrils will stay intact. So please enjoy reading because things are about to get minty. 

Breakfast in a Tube 

Unless it’s necessary, no one would choose toothpaste for breakfast. However, it may save your classmates the time of searching for complementary gum under the desks to give to you. If you think about it, wouldn’t it be nice if you had fresh breath all the time, especially during your waking hours? I mean, people couldn’t question if you farted out your mouth or not. The US National Library of Medicine claims that toothpaste is edible if it doesn’t contain fluoride. 

Bill Nye the Minty Guy 

But one must dive into the science behind toothpaste to attempt to explain whether it should be consumed or not. Fluoride is a chemical found in toothpaste that prevents teeth from decaying… Shout-out to Lindsey Lohan. This chemical is efficient in mineralizing teeth and bones, though ingesting too much can cause skeletal fluorosis—a disease that involves bones excessively accumulating fluoride. Symptoms include stiffness, joint pain, and a change in bone structure. Ultimately, you have to decide whether it is worth the risk to ingest toothpaste containing fluoride. Your breath will be minty fresh, but you may end up turning into the tin man. 

If You don’t Brush, Just Hush

Given the side-effects of toothpaste, you can see that it is possible to survive eaten. But unless there is a situation where there is no food left on Earth, I don’t believe eating toothpaste would ever be an option for survival.  With that said, nostril killers, please just do us a favor and brush your teeth. Not only will it help you, but your peers will appreciate it as well. Just remember, if those with bad breath don’t take my advice, instead of offering them gum, just use toilet paper. They’re both used to clean the same thing.