promNOsal

By: Briana McDonald

Imagine this.

You’re five hundred feet off the ground, swaying slowly in a weather balloon. It’s a perfect day; the sky is blue, the birds are singing. Your desired prom date sits across from you, grinning and looking over the edge to point out the skyline of Raleigh in the distance. It’s the perfect time, so you let the question fall out of your mouth that’s been hanging on you all day. “Will you go to prom with me?”

Your desired date opens their mouth and closes it like a fish out of water. You panic internally, thinking they’re about to turn you down. “I’m so sorry,” they say, and you brace for impact. “I’m already going with someone else.” Your heart sinks as you slowly let the air out of the balloon, for what feels like the most awkward descent in human history. But the balloon crashes, and you and your desired date both end up with broken legs, unable to go to the prom anyway.

Promposals can be fun in small doses, but in some cases they can be dangerous, or even deadly. Here is a short list of what could go wrong during your promposal attempt:

  • Your thousand candles spelling out ‘PROM?’ in your date’s yard could catch fire, spreading to the house and causing tens of thousands of dollars in property damage.
  • The Chick-Fil-A bag that has a cheesy note inside (‘You’re the chick I want to go with to prom!’) could be greasy, smudging the note. Or your date could throw the bag away with the note inside. Because no one ever looks underneath all those extra waffle fries.
  • Dressing up like Juliet and asking your Romeo to prom is great, except for the fact that you never read the ending of the play in sophomore English class – you’ve now implied that you and your date are both going to die tragic deaths.
  • The temporary spray paint that you’ve applied to your date’s garage door gets power washed away. Instead of asking your date to prom, you’ve now written ‘PM?’ on a garage. Good luck getting that vandalism charge off your record, you felon.
  • Your date could say no.

And these are only a few of the dire consequences of promposals.

So if you’re going to prompose, make your poster, plan your scheme, but just remember, for every action there is a reaction.

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