By: Jo Rochelle

For the past few weeks, people across the nation have been enjoying weather that is unusually warm for late winter.  Even in North Carolina, where it’s hot one day and snows the next, breaking out shorts and flip-flops in winter is generally unheard of. But break out–and keep–the shorts and flip-flops, because this nice weather isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Specifically in Raleigh, the past few weekends have boasted clear skies and 70-something degree weather.

Some speculate that this pattern of abnormal weather will continue throughout the year. By the end of March, we can expect a heat wave bringing temperatures upwards of 90 degrees. A little later in the year, around July, there will most likely be a snowstorm. By August, it will be back below freezing. And come March of next year, we’ll see days with temperatures over 100 degrees! So it would be a good idea to fix that A/C now.

Since we’re talking about good ideas, here’s an even better one: grow gills. “This crazy weather is sure to have a negative impact on the environment,” says a self-proclaimed environmental scientist–who, for reasons that are 100-percent valid and definitely not suspicious, chose to remain anonymous. “By the year 2050, if this pattern continues, we’ll all be living in underwater societies. Because the entire world will be underwater.” Extreme temperatures, the scientist explained, will lead to rapid melting of the polar ice caps. Once this happens, the sea levels will rise. Floods will become frequent and land surface area will decrease, eventually ending in entire continents being submerged. This is great news for everyone who’s ever wanted to be a mermaid–and terrible news for those with aquaphobia, thalassophobia, or other water-related phobias.

So enjoy this weather (and air) while it lasts. Go for walks in the park, have a barbecue, maybe see a drive-in movie. Watery worlds will soon make an appearance, and while parks and barbecues might exist then, they will never be the same.